Why is it that everyone and their goddamned mother has an opinion these days?
Yeah, I know, this rant is an opinion. But, it’s a fucking educated one. What pisses me off is people who have an opinion for no other reason than to appear like they know what the fuck they’re talking about.
Here are two of my favorites:
1) “Global warming is bullshit. If global warming is true, then how come some desert areas are experiencing all-time low temperatures?”
Because, asshole, if you knew anything about climatology you’d understand that global warming disrupts weather patterns and causes extreme shifts in temperatures.
But, you’re not a scientist, are you? No? Then shut the fuck up!
Besides, what kind of an asshole chooses the “more pollution is better” side of this argument? Wow.
2) “Frivolous lawsuits are to blame for escalating insurance premiums.”
Oh, fuck, where do I begin? First, you’re an asshole. Insurance companies fed you this bullshit, and you bought it hook-line-and-fucking-sinker.
There are a lot of reasons why insurance is expensive. None of them have anything to do with frivolous lawsuits. Instead, pretty much all of them have to do with you and I getting screwed.
One example: bad investments by the insurance companies. These assholes take a hit in the stock market and you and I end up looking for second jobs.
Why the fuck are you defending insurance companies in the first place? Get a fucking hobby.
You really think the poor sap who had the wrong fucking foot sawed off is to blame?
Fuck, you’re stupid. Stop breeding.
…by not making this stupid fucking Geico commercial.
Who the fuck comes up with this crap?
I can’t believe some asshole is actually getting paid to come up with this mind-numbing bullshit.
“Hey, I have an idea…we’ll take a stack of money and put fucking googly eyes on it!” “Brilliant!”
The scary thing is that this prick not only sold the idea to Geico, but he managed to get his advertising agency green light it. Are these people fucking retards?
This guy, his advertising agency and the upper management at Geico deserve nothing less than an eternity in hell spent listening to the “Where’s the beef?” lady and “Somebody’s Watching You” on an endless loop.”
Assholes.
I’m ditching a wedding today.
My neighbors are getting remarried (whatever the fuck that means) and decided to invite me.
WTF? We occasionally chat over the fence and they keep an eye on my house when I go on vacation. That warrants an invite to their remarriage? Are you fucking kidding me?
Why the fuck would I want to spend the day hanging out with a bunch of people I don’t know? Why don’t they just stick a fucking fork in my eye and we’ll call it even?
Now, I have to keep my shades drawn and pretend like I’m not home so that the next time I see them I can tell them some bullshit story about having to go out of town.
And, why the fuck is “Honor” spelled H-o-n-o-u-r on the invitation? They’re not fucking British. They’re Hispanic for fuck sake.
Health Insurance Reform Reality Check -
The facts.
Too bad Chicago isn’t the IOC’s kind of town.
That fucking sucks they didn’t get the Olympics.
I’m not surprised, though. When I heard about the latest killing of a high school kid I knew Chicago was doomed. That’s just too much bad press to overcome.
What a shame. It’s such an awesome city.
Oh, well.
[video]
Someone told me that today.
Heavy.
WTF? What’s the debate here?
Have these jackasses against health care reform never been to the doctor? Have they never been in an emergency room — for 6 fucking hours?
Have they never had to switch doctors due to their employer changing providers EVERY-SINGLE-YEAR?!?!
I heard this idiot on the radio talking about how insurance companies shouldn’t have to provide care for pre-existing conditions because the purpose of insurance is to “ensure” you’re healthy. Her reasoning was that, if you already have a condition, insurance is irrelevant.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!
What a complete idiot this chick was. The scary thing: she votes.
What the fuck do health care reform opponents mean when they say they want to “be able to choose their own doctor” or “choose their own care?” Do they really think they have a choice now? Haven’t they heard of a “List of Providers?” If your doctor isn’t on the list, your shit-out-of-luck. So, what fucking choice are they trying to protect?!?!
People can be so goddamned stupid.
Dogs I love. Shitty dog owners (is there another type) I fucking hate.
What is it about the out-of-site, out-of-mind bullshit with dog owners?
They go to their aunt Betty’s for the weekend and I have to listen to their shit-factories bark for 48 hours straight.
Don’t these fucking assholes realize they have neighbors?
These pricks buy a cute puppy for their kid (5 years ago) and I have to pay the price (day in, and day out) for the poor mutt being neglected and left out in the cold day after day.
I FUCKING HATE SHITTY DOG OWNERS!!!
…there was a dude who liked M&M McFlurrys. As much as this dude liked McFlurrys, he didn’t want a shit-fucking-ton of M&Ms in them.
Every time he went to McDonalds he told the McTard taking his order to go easy on the M&Ms.
He knew his request would be in vain.
Yet, somehow, he felt that, just once, humanity wouldn’t fail him.
This blog is about humanity failing you, me, the dude and the McTard.