I’m ditching a wedding today.

My neighbors are getting remarried (whatever the fuck that means) and decided to invite me.

WTF?  We occasionally chat over the fence and they keep an eye on my house when I go on vacation.  That warrants an invite to their remarriage?  Are you fucking kidding me?

Why the fuck would I want to spend the day hanging out with a bunch of people I don’t know? Why don’t they just stick a fucking fork in my eye and we’ll call it even?

Now, I have to keep my shades drawn and pretend like I’m not home so that the next time I see them I can tell them some bullshit story about having to go out of town.

And, why the fuck is “Honor” spelled H-o-n-o-u-r on the invitation?  They’re not fucking British.  They’re Hispanic for fuck sake.